Chip Cards Give Extra 30 Seconds to Question Impulse Purchases

chip cards
Waiting, and waiting, and waiting, and … [falls asleep] REMOVE YOUR CARD! YESSSSS!! Source
Unless you’ve been living under a rock, most of your credit cards and debit cards have evolved into chip cards. This is a huge improvement to the old system of swiping. Not only is the security for in-person purchases far superior, cards now come with a built in anti-spending feature. This advanced technology dissuades you from making impulse purchases. Here’s how it works.

Chip Cards as an Anti-Spending Device

With swiping, you take out your plastic and have your receipt in hand within a couple seconds. Using fast credit cards releases endorphins, which makes you likelier to engage in retail therapy. Now, you have to wait at least 30 seconds for the transaction to actually go through. No startups have apps to occupy our attention for this rough time frame. Unfortunately, you could need to engage in unpleasant activities while waiting for the receipt to print. Some of these awkward situations might include speaking to your cashier, talking to the person in line behind you, or aimlessly staring at grocery store tabloids informing you that your sex life is inferior and needs drastic improvement for the ‘Hot Summer.’

The American consumer is ill-equipped to deal with this horrifically long period of waiting. In fact, the cost might be so high that Yankee Candle and As Seen On TV might need to declare bankruptcy. In contrast, this new phenomenon could save Angry Birds and the National Enquirer. With this new awkward silence before safely getting out of line, the plastic weapons of mass personal financial destruction could finally start losing their preeminence in American society.

Is Cash the New King?

Shockingly, this highly sophisticated advanced chip cards technology is being beat by the cutting edge Bronze Age invention of cash. In fact, the awkward silence and potential day altering repercussions of watching the cashier count out $0.79 in dimes, nickels, and pennies is on average three times less frustrating than waiting for your chip cards’ reader to authorize the transaction. Perhaps you should consider zinc mining stocks to diversify your portfolio.

These new chip cards come with another powerful protection for your bank account. You get frustrated waiting to buy that $100 Hermes tie your dad will not wear. Using cash makes you realize how much money you are wasting. Hence, you actually spend less money on useless consumer goods. Twenty and thirty something Americans everywhere are at risk. We might have to actually spend more time hanging out with and calling our parents instead.

Unfortunately, the Awkward Silence from Chip Cards Is Unlikely to Last

Just as the Pumpkin Spice Latte eventually fades into oblivion every season, so too must these money saving features of chip cards. Eventually, VISA and Mastercard will remove these protections and speed up transactions again. They will restore the right of the average American to spend 20% of their paycheck at malls with 1000% marked up goods made in China from sweat shop labor. They will figure out what makes a chip card transaction process take more time than the cash system developed by the Romans.

Until then, save as much as you can. Hold onto the money that American marketers would have sucked into the vortex built to separate working families from their paychecks. Buy lots of small ticket items in separate transactions. The frustration you experience will be so great that it will disincentivize you from making bigger purchases. Instead of seeking retail therapy at Anthropologie by purchasing a defective early 1900’s soda machine for $20,000, you might max out your 401k or pay off your student loans. Thank goodness the big credit card companies built these new chip cards. They truly do have the consumers’ best interests in mind, otherwise they never would have given us an extra 30 seconds to realize how silly most of our impulse spending truly is.

What are some other ways credit card companies look out for us as consumers? Comment below!


8 thoughts on “Chip Cards Give Extra 30 Seconds to Question Impulse Purchases”

  1. One thing the chip reader at Walmart instructs me to do is not to remove the card. There’s a reason for this (besides Walmart wanting to complete the purchase). If the card is pulled out mid-transaction, it can fry the chip, and then you’re waiting for a replacement.

    You won’t be purchasing anything for a day or two with that card if that happens. 🙂

  2. This post gave me a great laugh, MM. I was thinking about this last night while completing a purchase at the local hardware store. I thought, “It is too late to put back that impulsive pack of gum I threw in with my purchase?”

    That said, I do appreciate the added security of the chip card. It will probably be just a matter of time until that technology is compromised, as well.

    1. Ha I’m a sucker for last minute gum too. Usually it’s the blue 5 pack or the Orbitz sugar free. Better vice than chewing tobacco I guess

    1. I haven’t seen it in card form. Wow that’s scary I would stay far away from moms at the grocery store w $300 of merchandise in their carts for fear that I’d be paying

  3. Luckily I’m not an impulse buyer, and in this case I think the added security warrants that little extra bit of lag. I certainly hope it stops those emails we sometimes receive from our banks saying they’re replacing our cards because of data breaches; ugh!

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