How to Find a Frugal Girlfriend

pioneer-woman
source

Reader from Panama City Beach, Florida: “Dude you should have a blog post that talks about finding a frugal girlfriend. Instead of a nice pair of legs I’m looking for a sexy diversified portfolio with a high risk tolerance. However that paired with some nice legs would be nice.”

The struggle is real brother. A Google keyword search suggests guys are having a tough time out there finding a girl who’s down to chill in sweats on a Saturday morning and just talk about life on the couch. The average monthly volume for the phrase “How to find a frugal girlfriend” shows about 600,000 monthly searches, while the same phrase substituting girlfriend for boyfriend turns up only a 3,000 search volume average. This discrepancy suggests that finding that special girl that’s just as happy with a great dress from Goodwill as Neiman Marcus is very much on a lot of guys’ minds.

Why it’s Important to Seek Frugal Girlfriend

Before dismissing a guy seeking a frugal girlfriend as simply being a cheapskate, consider the 50% divorce rate in America. The leading cause of divorce is financial issues, cited as the primary reason in 45% of cases where marriage ends. That means almost 25% of marriages in America end because two people that presumably loved each other at some point can’t agree on money. We definitely need to be talking about financial views way earlier in relationships. In fact, while most people obsess over physical or emotional compatibility, you could argue financial attitude compatibility is the most important factor of all.

Based on the numbers, money disagreements are more hazardous for marriage than infidelity, religious differences, stresses from child rearing, and all other causes. Guys, if you are frugal and are looking for a frugal partner, you are giving your future marriage a higher probability of success. There’s nothing wrong with being really serious and intentional in your dating to try and avoid future heartbreak in life. I suggest two ways of doing this: one is to try and do activities where you’re more likely to meet frugal women, and the second is to date in such a way that a woman that isn’t open to frugality will not go out with you again. I’ve been pretty successful in this arena, having being rejected multiple times by very attractive and wholesome girls that I couldn’t have ever married because we would not have been financially compatible.

Where the Potential Frugal Girlfriend Goes

If you hang out at the mall, nice restaurants, bars, and swanky fundraisers, you are not likely to meet women that are more at home in the woods or a cozy cottage than a McMansion. If you are looking for a partner that enjoys nature, reading, dancing, and other less consumerist activities in life, check out spots that cater to those activities.

State and national parks are goldmines. Try hiking around there on a Saturday or going camping with some buddies. Better yet, invite some gals to go with you. If you are really into low impact sports like cycling or running you can often meet people that way. There were some ROTC guys in college that offered a free service where they would run with women that requested it during late night hours as a campus safety initiative. While most of the guys just silently ran and spoke if the woman wanted to, I think they might have got a few dates out of it.

There are tons of free or cheap dances in any medium to large sized city, and many of these dances are full of really attractive women that sometimes don’t have enough partners to go around. During weekdays in Philly there were a bunch of different salsa and jazz nights going on that made for fantastic ways to relax and meet really quality people. I had so much fun at these dances that I highly suggest them even if you have two left feet. If you are moderately good or at least enthusiastic, women will appreciate it and future date nights can involve you two getting to practice your moves together instead of the societally sanctioned $100 meal for two followed by a movie that everyone does.

You could try city festivals too. While there is definitely temptation to drop some serious dough on organic smoothies and liquor infused pineapples (at least at the ones I went to), you basically have free entertainment at your disposal. One time a Latin music band was jamming and my friend and I danced with some people we met in the street and he ended up dating one of them. Frugality is not about avoiding spending so you can hoard money. Usually people that practice this discipline do so because we believe the life benefits from using your time and energy in ways that do not focus on material goods make everything more fun and fulfilling. If you run into someone at a free music festival, there’s a higher chance that she’s a down for anything type of person open to adventure and risk taking like trying some spicy street food.

Another great place I’d recommend checking out is your place of worship, especially in the context of ministry work. Because believers tend to have a major focus on serving others, women I met in church tended to be unusually generous and non materialistic. I got involved with my church’s homeless ministry and met absolutely incredible women there, not just for dating purposes they were just awesome human beings. One wore a pearl ring instead of a diamond one because it allowed her to be more generous in charity and alleviated her concern that her purchase was funding conflicts in third world countries. Most were highly accomplished professionals that could have been out for Saturday brunch but instead they were serving food to the least of these. The quality of the women I found there was off the charts, and I even started dating one.

Another great resource and the only dating message board I know of dedicated to meeting like minded thrifty singles is the Forum of Mr. Money Mustache, an online community of people striving to live less materially focused lives and achieve financial independence.  You have to register on that forum to see the singles page but once you are on there you can type what you are looking for and it’s kinda like OkCupid but without pictures and weirdos sending you messages. If you are female you might have lots of choices as an unscientific survey I did of the posts revealed a 10:1 male/female ratio in the personal ads. That kind of confirms the Google search imbalance earlier. It’s never been better to be a financially conservative woman; you have tons of options at your disposal.

Flirt to Convert: Seeing if Your Date is Frugal Compatible

If you want to find out really quickly what kind of potential dating partner you have on your hands, try taking her out to a low key place on a first date. First off, it’s important to do something really thoughtful and nice when you take her out the first time to show you care. The reflex guys have is to bring flowers, but bring a poem you wrote instead and see how she reacts. If she is very upset about not getting flowers, it might be a sign that she has conventional expectations and things might not work out between you two. Be forewarned though, I have had multiple girls not be interested in dating because of taking her to places like Panera, Chipotle, and other fast or fast casual type places so you have to be willing to fail because I believe the risk is worth the reward.

For a first date, try and avoid the tried and true methods of dinner and a movie unless you are really trying not to find out anything about the other person. The standard first date is kind of funny because it matches our culture. You go out and spend a solid chunk of money without learning much about the other person. Try something out of the ordinary like going on a hike or checking out a museum. It doesn’t need to be something free or almost free, just something that’s not super cliche and hyper consumerist.

After the main event, go somewhere relaxed and inexpensive where there are no atmospheric barriers that will hide lacking a genuine connection. Anyone can seem interesting over a bottle of wine at a nice Italian restaurant. Someone you are truly compatible with is someone you can have fun with in the detergent aisle at the grocery store. With this truth in mind, if you go out to an expensive dinner to try and impress your date, you are likelier to end up with someone that expects this in other aspects of life, such as transportation and housing. These big categories of spending that you don’t get to decide on before marriage can be big reasons for breaking up so it’s good to test out how your date responds to something like a chill place to eat to see if it bothers them.

The reason why so many women expect flowers and a fancy meal on a first date is because society and the businesses that profit off the romantic industrial complex have successfully equated spending with how much you care about that person. If you take them to a cheap restaurant, then you must have a low view of that girl, as someone of little value. However, if you take them to a nice restaurant with wine and expensive steaks then you must really care about them. HOW ABSURD! Why are extreme displays of consumerism viewed as demonstrating affection? What about an old fashioned hand written note or flowers you picked yourself from a wild field or a song you came up with before you picked her up at 7? Think about Valentine’s Day, the biggest “lovers’ holiday” of the year. It is so thoroughly commercialized that if you don’t bring a massive box of chocolates and roses to your significant other then you obviously must not care about them.

When you put effort into spending time together, and you speak about topics of interest to your date while having an awesome home cooked meal you planned together, you will find out way more about the other person. I also believe you can connect with them on a far deeper level. A woman that has been inundated with rom coms and commercials telling her a guy has to buy the latest and the greatest or he doesn’t love her just needs to see the real you and how you care about her in a far deeper way than any box of corn syrup could ever convey. So write to her, communicate, make a special pasta dish that only you know how to do, and see what happens.

If after the first initial date you get a cold reception because your behavior is viewed as disinterested or “not how you are supposed to treat a girl” then give a shot at explaining why. Tell her that you try to show how you care not by spending money but by the time and effort you put into planning dates and activities with her. Tell her she is the reason you are taking her out and complement the qualities you saw that lead you to ask her out in the first place. Once you’ve described that no fancy restaurant can convey how swell you think she is, if she’s still not digging it then you know it’s not gonna work and you’ve saved both you and her a lot of time and energy doing the typical dating dance that can go on for months without any real conclusions. If she passes the chill first date test with flying colors even though she might spend a good amount of money on things like rent, clothes, and cars she could very possibly be a keeper that could be easily converted.

Are There More Frugal Guys Out There than Frugal Women?

I don’t believe so. I think that there could certainly be more people that use that label in the male community but I think we are equally capable of spending money wisely or using it freely.

Women are targeted with very specific messages from a very young age telling them they aren’t pretty enough, they don’t wear nice enough clothes, and they don’t have the right body that will attract the guy they like. Because of this artificially created insecurity, we have the multibillion cosmetics industry, expensive clothing lines that try to make the customers think that the brand will instantly increase their sex appeal, and even eating disorders because the media says the only pretty woman is a skinny woman. This is patently false as a woman is beautiful because of who she is. The kind of girlfriend that you have a shot at forever with is someone that you’re attracted to when she’s wearing no makeup, dressed down, and sick with a cold in bed. You love her for what she means to you.

Take a Risk and Be Yourself

We as men have the obligation to give women the permission to jump out of the rat race of spending ever increasing dollars to chase the ideal of the perfect body and the perfect face. If we want to support women and avoid their objectification, which is present in almost every publication in existence, the practice of just enjoying each others company can help accomplish these goals.  Let’s free women from the weird rituals of dating and go for a hike, surf on the beach, sing at a karaoke bar, or dance the night away at salsa class.

Go down the road less traveled. Check out libraries, festivals, churches, dances, and parks and try to be friends with girls first. You will develop great relationships that could grow into something much more. If you find a girl really attractive and want to ask her out on a date, don’t view it as a cold calculating transaction of a fancy meal in exchange for potential physical or relationship benefits. Treat her like you really care and show your full authentic frugal self to her and explain how you show value of others in ways besides spending money like spending time and effort instead. Talk about how your hope is to have a financially secure life for you and your family one day and how that goal drives your spending decisions. She will either think your views are really strange and not want to go out with you again or she will really be into your alternative way of thinking.

So for all the frugal guys out there, go for it! Take risks! Ask girls out and don’t be afraid to take a homemade picnic lunch on a hike to see a beautiful sunset. There are millions of women out there that can’t wait for you to show your authentic selves and ask them out. If you need a trump card, just quote Drake from Best I Ever Had to her. Cheers guys and here’s to financially compatible relationships!

“Sweat pants, hair tied, chillin’ with no make-up on

That’s when you’re the prettiest, I hope that you don’t take it wrong” 

6 thoughts on “How to Find a Frugal Girlfriend”

  1. The age of internet dating has turned the concept of flowers on the first date on its head. In my dating experience, I’ve never met a woman who expected flowers on a first date. In fact, many first dates begin with coffee or a beer, which typically isn’t all that expensive. Furthermore, if you’re a frugal person, you’re not likely to have many common interests with a materialist. The signs are usually readily apparent.

  2. Museum dates are the best! If a guy can’t handle a museum and some chipotle (with the BOGO coupon they had circulating last month especially!) then he is definitely not the guy for me.

  3. Frugal girlfriend? seriously? wow this is an eye-opener, here’s to hundreds of women seriously mistrusting any cute guy they meet after reading this hehehehe.
    Interesting article

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.