Introducing Millennial Moola’s Irreverent Little Brother, Wealthy Walnut

wealthy walnut
My greatest masterpiece yet in Microsoft Paint on a Wikipedia commons photo canvas. Click the photo to find out more.

When I wrote that I was tired of being poor and was going back to work to drive luxury cars and live in a 12 foot ceiling apartment, I recognized a huge market need out there existed that was not being fulfilled. That April Fool’s Day post received the most traffic in Millennial Moola history. Screw learning how to save millions of dollars on a five figure salary, payoff giant student loan debt, retire in six years, or pay a fair price for a ripoff like most financial advice, give me funny photos and make silly comments about them dang it! Continue reading “Introducing Millennial Moola’s Irreverent Little Brother, Wealthy Walnut”

What’s an EFT? (And Other Funny Post-Brexit Questions I’ve Received)

funny post-Brexit questions
Featuring Easy E(-ngland), DJ Yella(-lot), MC (Sir Christopher W)Ren, Ice Cube(-in-my-Brandy), and Dr. Dre(-ary skies). Thanks to Source. Apologies to NWA.

While promoting my Brexit article Friday on Facebook, I couldn’t resist sharing with my friends that I thought Vanguard’s Europe ETF was a great long term buy. After all, it fell over 10% in a single day. That’s when I started getting a flurry of emails, texts, and other private messages as if I’d just shared an insider tip. Personal finance bloggers love to receive serious thought provoking questions from readers. At the same time, we also love to be entertained. Fortunately, these funny post-Brexit questions pass both tests. Continue reading “What’s an EFT? (And Other Funny Post-Brexit Questions I’ve Received)”

Brexit: Hogwarts Just Got a Lot Harder To Get Into


I had to change my article for Friday at the last second. No one realized that the UK would be voting for the Brexit to leave the EU. Private traders hired prestigious polling firms to assure them that the UK would stay. The markets even rallied yesterday on the assumption that the matter had already been decided. Such is the danger when a highly unrepresentative and educated group of rich people in an urban bubble assure themselves of something. Perhaps some of you are freaking out about the parallels that exist between what just happened in the UK and what is going on in the US. I’m here to ruin all the fun and tell you what no one in the news will say today: it’s just not that big of a deal. Continue reading “Brexit: Hogwarts Just Got a Lot Harder To Get Into”

Butt Fumbling Money: Sanchez’s Financial Advisor Steals Millions

I grew up cheering for Tim Tebow at the University of Florida. Perhaps that is why I have never much cared for Mark Sanchez as an athlete. He first started all season in front of Tebow on the Jets. Then he came to my adopted NFL team, the Philadelphia Eagles, and performed poorly. Unfortunately, now I have to feel sorry for him. Sanchez is famous for running face first into the behind of his own offensive lineman and fumbling the football in a game against the Patriots. Commentators coined a new phrase for the unprecedented act: the butt fumble.  I am taking the liberty to create a new phrase now that a financial advisor defrauded Sanchez and other professional athletes out of $33 million: butt fumbling money. It happens when you overly trust your financial professional and fail to know if they are acting in your best interest.  Continue reading “Butt Fumbling Money: Sanchez’s Financial Advisor Steals Millions”

Germans Should Hide Money Under the Mattress

Germans should hide money

Historically, the German economy is famous for hyperinflation in the 1920s. Workers would earn paychecks and immediately go try to spend them. Consequently, their currency lost significant value every day. Average families needed wheelbarrows to carry their cash to the market to buy bread. We now have the opposite problem where Germans should hide money under the mattress because interest rates there are negative. Poor Germany. Continue reading “Germans Should Hide Money Under the Mattress”

John Oliver Goes Off on High Fee Financial Advisors

John Oliver took the entire financial advice industry to the mat yesterday, royally embarrassed John Hancock financial services and brokers, and called out the ridiculously high fees in the 401k industry.

He also mocked Prudential’s domino commercial and a woman who wanted to use $4,000 to get an elf spotting certificate instead of saving for retirement. I highly recommend you check it out. The full video is about 20 minutes long. If you only have two or three minutes, skip to the end and watch his summary on how to build wealth for retirement.

Continue reading “John Oliver Goes Off on High Fee Financial Advisors”

Someone Should Get Fired Over This $17,000 Table

$17000 table

Sometimes you look at the news and a clear metaphor for what is wrong with the world just jumps off the screen and slaps you in the face. I experienced something like this when I read on FiveThirtyEight’s daily stats page that officials at the University of New Hampshire bought a $17,000 table. The table sits 16 people, and sits in the dining hall. You should be morally outraged over this shameless waste of money. Continue reading “Someone Should Get Fired Over This $17,000 Table”

Kawhi Leonard Is the Best Financial Defender in the NBA

Kawhi Leonard is the best financial defender

I have written in the past about frugal athletes such as Alfred Morris, but none have been as elite as Kawhi Leonard of the San Antonio Spurs. He just repeated as the Defensive Player of the Year in the NBA. Back in 2014, he successfully shut down Lebron James and was named MVP of the Finals. He is directly responsible for San Antonio’s title that season. He earned a $94 million contract in the summer of 2015 because of his stellar play. Most athletes would buy a bunch of cars or houses, but not him. Kawhi Leonard is the best financial defender perhaps in all of sports. Continue reading “Kawhi Leonard Is the Best Financial Defender in the NBA”

I Have Been Showering Way Too Often

showering way too often
Warm showers are the best, but I’ve used them too much. Source

Lo and behold, some researchers from Columbia University just discovered what I have long suspected. Human beings in the developed world have been showering way too often, myself included.

Continue reading “I Have Been Showering Way Too Often”